We’ve all seen diagrams like this—the family hierarchy laid out under a series of umbrellas, topped with “Christ” and descending through “Husband,” “Wife,” and “Children.” I have seen this image floating around social media (apparently its origin is from Bill Gothard), and I have to be honest: it struck me as not only unhelpful, but also theologically confused.
First of all: Why the extra umbrellas?
If Christ truly covers the family, then no other umbrella is needed. The protection, provision, guidance, and love we all need ultimately come from King Jesus. So putting additional umbrellas under His implies that His covering is somehow incomplete or that we need human intermediaries to trickle down His blessing or that we need the person above us to intercede on our behalf.
That’s just not how the Gospel works. Under King Jesus, every member of the family—husband, wife, and children—has direct access to Him. His lordship isn’t filtered; it’s shared. One umbrella is enough.
Second, let’s talk about that word: “Biblical.”
Slapping the label “Biblical” on an image like this gives it a sense of divine authority. But let’s be clear: this is not a biblical chart—it’s a modern, Western, post-industrial ideal of how a family should function. Yes, some of the roles mentioned (like children obeying their parents) are clearly taught in Scripture. But many of the others? Those are inferences or cultural overlays, not explicit commands.
It is crucial to remember that the Bible was written to people living in a different time and culture than we do, and this reality means that we are to take the truth and information found in Scripture to give us the wisdom to live in our time and place.
Not only that, but the image implies that these gender roles are taught in the Bible, but in Deuteronomy (for example), it is the father, not the mother, who is commanded to teach his children about God’s covenant.
It is logical to assume that because men are naturally stronger than women (1 Peter 3:7) that they would have the role of protector, but we also know from real life that mothers play a role protecting their families. Ever heard of a “Mama Bear”? That’s not just a cute phrase, but a role that mothers take seriously. Consider the wise woman talked about in 2 Samuel 20 who saved her entire city from Joab and Israel’s army. She used her wisdom, not her strength, to serve as a protector of her people.
The Proverbs 31 woman reminds us that women played an important role in the providing for the needs of the family. In fact she was hard at work while her husband sat at the city gate. Providing for the family doesn’t follow on the shoulders of just men, it is a shared responsibility.
The reality: Every family looks a little different
Rather than trying to cram every household into a one-size-fits-all diagram, it’s more faithful to Scripture—and more honoring to the Spirit’s work in each family—to recognize that a well-ordered home is one where both husband and wife are using their God-given gifts, strengths, and passions to lead the family in following Jesus. The distribution of tasks may vary. Who leads prayer? Who handles finances? Who gets the kids to school? It depends. And that’s okay.
The goal isn’t rigid gender roles—it’s mutual submission to Jesus.
Colossians 3:17 — The Expectation for Disciples
The Apostle Paul gives us a better summary of what godly family life looks like:
“And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” —Colossians 3:17 (CSB)
If both husband and wife—if every member of the family—is living by this truth, then that household is honoring God. It’s not about how well we align with a chart. It’s about how well we follow King Jesus.
So let’s ditch the extra umbrellas. Let’s stop using “Biblical” as a weapon to enforce cultural preferences. And let’s get back to what truly matters: Following Jesus together as a family, in whatever shape that takes.
