Baggage and brokenness often surround the area of sexuality. Even within the bounds of marriage, where commitment and love are present, we have to approach sex with patience, understanding, and love. For many couples a healthy and enjoyable sex life is on the other side of healing.
It seems that some preachers have forgotten this reality and have been teaching hurtful advice to people who are in desperate need of healing. Think about what the apostle Paul wrote; The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife (1 Corinthians 7:4; NLT).
There is a mutual responsibility for each other. If there is sexual brokenness or baggage then both husband and wife have the responsibility to find the healing that is needed. A husband has to be sensitive to the needs of his wife, this includes helping her find healing. Anything else is dishonoring to her.
Mary DeMuth has a good post that deals with these issues from a woman's perspective.
When a man brags about his wife's looks, body, or smoking hot prowess, we may consider his remarks loving compliments from a husband to his better half, but when I hear a man say those things, I bristle. Especially if he's a pastor, a man apportioned by God to shepherd not only the men in their congregations, but the women too. Wounded women. Tired women. Abused women. Women with so many “godly” expectations thrown at them that they'll either break under the weight or bootstrap themselves, try-try-trying harder, experiencing burnout, and never quite living up to anyone's expectations.
These expectations get laid out in blog posts, books, sermons, conferences, and keynotes, all directed at us, Christian women. Earlier this year, I wrote “The Sexy Wife I Can't Be,” sharing what it felt like to attend a “sexy wives” conference, where the speakers talked about ways to entice, offer our bellies as fruit bowls, and become the sex kittens our men deserve. I felt bile rise up in my throat. I knew I couldn't have been the only woman in this audience suffering from flashbacks from unwanted sexual abuse. I left that conference feeling less than. I tried some of the things they suggested, but I ended up feeling even more cheap, more used, thrust backward in my oh-so-long journey toward healing. I playacted; I disconnected; and when I couldn't keep up the charade, I felt even more guilty. Smoking hot, I was not.